Words Before You Leave
by Adair In Wonderland
Summary: There were no words of love between them, and there never would be. Songfic. Light/L


Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Flowing Tears' music.

Warning: yaoi, sex, angst, the usual...

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**Words Before You Leave**

_Cross me, posses me  
'Cause failure is my name  
Guard me, protect me  
And out of the dark comes the pain_

That room had always been stifling. The glaring of the computer screens only served to highlight every plane and contour of Light Yagami's face. The stern and pallid countenances' of the members of the task force only served to make him look more beautiful, while their tedious voices made any words that came out of his mouth sound like a song. And that distance, that arm's reach which separated them only made him seem so very far away.

On any given day, Light would turn to him, smile condescendingly and say the most perfectly amiable things, while the undertone of hate that twisted those words was still undeniably clear. L knew what he was doing. He was trying to use his words to protect the both of them from this thing that was living inside of them, trying to destroy what was unspoken before it took control; That disturbingly wrong thing that happened when their eyes accidently met and too much meaning was conveyed in a momentary glance before they had time to turn away.

Yes, that room had been stifling. And, yet, the long hours they worked were never tiring. Every minute that ticked by in that dull, gray room only brought with it a new feeling of unbelievable pain and enthrallment.

_Trust me, inhale me  
Rejection is the game  
Drown me, escape me  
And out the dark we arise_

"W-what is it, Light-kun?"

On that day, something strange must have happened, but L couldn't remember it at this point. After everyone had left, the boy had just suddenly grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the wall, leaning in closely. And the percentages were skyrocketing...

"You know exactly what, Ryuuzaki." A hand harshly grabbed at him between his legs, painfully clutching the most intimate area of his body, while warm lips descended onto his neck. "Don't try to tell me you haven't been begging me for this..." Those callous whispers tingled across his skin, mixed in with the bruising kisses and bites the other was now lavishing on him.

"Light-kun..." There was no reason to stop this. He could think of no reason to stop this from happening. If he did, tomorrow would be just another long, agonizing day filled with suppressed desires and fleeting glances.

Then, the body against his was suddenly moving down, kneeling in front of him, his hands trailing down his abdomen until they reached the button of his pants. The long, slender fingers undid it quickly, before yanking his jeans down to his knees, his boxers following shortly.

"Light-kun..." L moaned as the other looked up at him and smiled with the face of a god and a devil all at once. He didn't know why, but the only thing he could manage to say was his name. He repeated it quietly as, for the first time in his life, someone's mouth closed around the tip of his cock.

And that was how they began - a sloppy and quick blow job against the wall of a dark room. It was how they came into being, with L pulling at Light's auburn hair as he came in his mouth, the boy sitting back and swallowing every drop as the other slumped to the floor, his legs giving out. They stared at each other, L's ragged breathing the only sound to cut raucously through the silence enshrouding them.

It was then, looking into those fervent eyes, that L remembered how he had purposely avoided the other's gaze all day.

_Father come guide me  
To heaven high above  
Mother don't blind me  
In darkness I once rose_

Justice. It was a word he had used quite frequently. It was the promise he had made to the people of the world. In his previous solitude, it was the only thing he could give them, the only reason for being he could impart upon his cold, bleak existence. And how he had flourished. The only person he had truly needed was Watari, to help him here and there with little things, to keep his identity hidden.

And justice... What of it, now? The presence of others immediately turned the definition of that word into something convoluted and unknown. The presence of Light Yagami, to be precise, twisted that word around until it collapsed upon itself. Had he never met the boy, never laid eyes on the perfection he embodied, he knew that he would most likely be hunched in front of a computer screen in an empty room, solving one of the world's many difficult cases, the sense of that word still alive in him, instead of contemplating this disastrous turn of events.

Had he remained in his isolation, unaware of the existence of anyone by the name of Light Yagami, he would be able to go on unerringly in his quest for justice. And the thought of another human being would still be something so hollow and distant.

_Hate me, forsake me  
For certain is my fall  
Still me, mislead me  
And out of the cold we arise_

"Li-Light-kun..!"

Pants and gasps filled the room, accompanied by the rustling of bed sheets and the faint sound of skin moving against skin.

"Tell me how you want it, Ryuuzaki," the boy breathed over his face, nuzzling into his neck before placing demanding kisses on the flesh there.

"Light..." he whimpered. In these situations, still, the only thing he was able to say was the other's name. It was his mantra, his prayer and also, somehow, his denial, his refusal to accept the reality of what was happening by acknowledging it with words.

Light was kissing down his chest, his hands massaging his sides before his lips closed around one pale nipple. Arching into the tormenting touches, L threaded his fingers through the boy's silky hair, silently urging him on. Moans started pouring out of his mouth as one of Light's hands moved to his cock, stroking it languidly as his tongue continued to move over the pink bud. Tearing himself away from the now abused flesh, Light joined their lips together in a fierce kiss. L threw his arms around the boy's neck, holding him close as he tasted him, their bodies pressed flush against each other. It was then that he felt it - a finger pushing gently against his anus, circling the ring of flesh, before squeezing inside.

"Uhn..." he groaned as the probing digit pressed further inside him, his fingernails digging into Light's shoulders.

"It's so hot inside you, Ryuuzaki," the boy murmured into his ear, his lips brushing over the sensitive skin as he spoke. A second finger followed, the two of them working to stretch the narrow channel. L writhed under Light as small bursts of pain flashed through his body.

"Liiiight..." he whined, unsure of what he wanted to say, unsure if he really wanted to do this. The intruding fingers had greatly diminished his reasoning abilities.

"It's alright. I'll give you what you want."

He looked up dazedly as the fingers left him to see Light spreading the pre-cum down his own cock, grinning at him as he did so. The boy then grabbed the back of his knees, pulling them up to his shoulders as he leaned forward, situating himself between the other's legs. L sucked in his breath as he felt Light's member pressing against his opening. He stared into the chestnut eyes hovering above his own, stared straight into the depths of some deep, dark feeling unknown. He gasped, his eyes closing in pain as Light pushed roughly inside him.

"Ah!" L shrieked as the feeling of Light's cock burning inside of him ravaged his body and mind, his hands fisting in the sheets.

"So... tight... Ryuu..." the boy above him ground out through clenched teeth as he began to move, shallowly thrusting into the tense body below him.

They moved against each other, their grunts and moans filling the room. This unimaginable heat was engulfing L, taking him far away from the cold glare of computer screens, the cold walls of the room, the cold words of Light Yagami. Holding tightly to the other, he let the boy fuck him senseless, each violent thrust hitting something inside of him he never knew was there. Digging his heels into the other's back, he pulled him closer, urged him deeper. Light kissed him, his tongue entering his mouth, swallowing every vocalization of pleasure. It was almost sweet - the soft, slow motions of their kiss contrasting with the aggressive, urgent movements of their lower bodies.

The boy above him wrapped his hand around his neglected erection, stroking in time to his thrusts. L could feel himself getting closer and closer to the brink, just as he could feel Light's movements growing increasingly erratic. Moaning the other's name loudly, he came, his cum shooting all over his abdomen. He felt Light plunging deeply inside him one last time, before filling him with his own seed.

_Father come hide me  
From heaven high above  
One day you'll find me  
In paradise unborn_

There were never any words of love between them, and L knew that there never would be. He knew Light would kill him in an instant if he discovered a way to do it without drawing any suspicion upon himself, just as he would make sure that the gorgeous youth would be executed the moment he found a way to prove his guilt. It seemed almost ridiculous to be thinking of whispering sweet nothings into the ear of someone you wanted dead. It seemed insane that L was currently curled against the side of humanity's greatest enemy, reveling in the slowly fading heat of their recent coupling. But he did not want to think of such things now. The truth could remain hidden, for now. He knew that eventually, one version of justice would prevail, whether it was his or Light's, that remained to be seen.

One day, one of them would undoubtedly strike the other down, watch the life vanish from his eyes. One of them would die and leave the other in solitude to continue on with his chosen path unhindered. One day, this would all be a distant memory for the one left alive.

He felt Light shifting, pulling away from him. He blinked tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he watched the boy get out of bed and pick his shirt up off the floor. He continued to stare as the boy pushed each button through its hole, his movements as graceful as always. He bent to retrieve his pants and underwear, warily returning the other's gaze as he straightened up.

"Something to say, Ryuuzaki?" He asked, smirking, his lower half still exposed.

And L did have something to say. He could feel the words rising up his throat - mysterious, dangerous words. He felt almost as if he was choking on them, these ideas he couldn't possibly find a way to express. He laid on the bed, mouth hanging open, willing his lips to move on their own, to find the right words.

"Well? No, then?" the boy queried as he buttoned his pants, raising his eyebrows at the other. Receiving no response, he turned to leave, making his way toward the door. L scrambled off the bed, standing naked behind the other, desperate to say something before he left the room.

_I pray for you  
The words before you leave  
Someone will pray for you  
In worlds of no believe_

"Light-kun..."

The beautiful boy turned back to look at him at the sound of his name, a question in his eyes. L smiled faintly. That gorgeous face, and especially those eyes that would at times shine with such passion had always been his weakness. He could still see himself reflected in those heated orbs. Whether he should live or die, there was one truth that had been born since their perilous relationship had begun, one truth he felt the need to let past his lips, to let the sound echo between the two of them.

"I will miss you."

_I pray for you  
The words impure to speak_

**FIN**

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Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it... You know, L and Light are one of my favorite "couples", but I just can't see them coming together happily, given their personalities and the context of the show. It just doesn't seem reasonable. But, anyway... What does that have to do with anything? I don't know. You should check out Flowing Tears, they're an amazing band if you ignore the terrible band name. I hope that what I was trying to say with the story and the song put together made sense.

So... Review? Please? You can say anything, I love to get constructive criticism. So, just click the little button down there and.... Review!!! Please and thank you. ^_^


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